Wild Horses
by zoerachael
Summary: It's been five years and things have changed, kids, marriage, but one things has always stayed the same, their feelings for each other. Brooke/Sam.  Will be some other pairings later  XD
1. Always Been

**Wild Horses**

Chapter One: Always Been

_Zoe Rachael_

Summary: It's been five years and things have changed, kids, marriage, but one things ha always stayed the same, their feelings for each other. Brooke/Sam.

A/N: Just trying this out, would really like to know what you all think and see if I should continue… sorry if the end is confusing, but I would like you all to form your own opinions about it. Thanks, read and review. Oh… unedited, sorry!

* * *

It was a Sunday, a day that in this particular suburban LA street saw no more action that a mid-day barbeque or a hung-over business man stumbling form his house to retrieve his Sunday paper.

But this day was different.

Cars filled the street, from sporty convertibles to large family-sized SUVs, all parked, it seemed around a small red-brown fibro house which in its driveway, housed it very own golden SUV.

Samantha McPherson, it seemed was late when she pulled her own Orange Ford Fiesta up to the curb in front of a house 4 down from the red-brown one she intended to visit.

"Shit," Sam said to herself, pulling her keys from the ignition and tossing them into her hand-bag as she simultaneously opened the drivers side door, "Brooke is going to kill me!"

Hurrying up the path, Sam removed her shades, placing them atop her head and straightened her shirt before sighing and rolling her neck as she reached the white front door.

She hadn't meant to be so tardy. In fact, she had planned on arriving early to help Brooke with party decorations and snacks but as it seemed when Sam was involved, life got in the way. Sam's 'life' however lived in San Francisco and seemed to take up more of her time than when it had lived on the next pillow.

As she knocked, Sam though back on her morning. Cindy, her partner of two years had moved to San Francisco for a job a few months previously and Sam, still finishing out her final year at UCLA had stayed. The move had put a strain on their already failing relationship and Sam had had enough. Sam and Cindy were both trying but as it was, things were just not working.

"Why don't you come here?" Cindy had asked, tired of the arguments the jealousy, the distance, "I could fins you a job, you're a great journalist Sam and you only have a few months of school left, you could send in your assignments and go back for your exams. It will work, we just have to try it. I'm not ready to give up on us."

It was a fair suggestion and Sam knew that things would improve for them if she just for a second had considered the idea. But in reality, Sam knew she couldn't leave LA, she had too many reasons to stay.

And one happened to be standing right in front of her.

Brooke.

What could Sam say about Brooke? Beautiful, Stunning, Step-sister and most importantly, the love of Sam's life.

"Finally!" Brooke sighed, reaching out and pulling Sam inside, closing the door behind them. "Where have you been, Spencer has been asking about you."

Even with that look of indignation on her face, Sam loved her and knew… she could never leave LA. "I tried, It was Cindy, she called just as I was about to leave."

The blonde rolled her eyes, she for good reason had never been a fan of Sam's red-headed girl. Sam suspected, they were too similar, exuberant, beautiful, witty, quick… probably the reason Sam fell for Cindy in the first place.

But it was only a matter of time before Cindy was just Cindy and not Brooke in a red-headed, much shorter disguise.

"Aunty Sammy!"

A huge grin spread across Sam's face at the sound and she turned to find two small bodies flying at her at full speed, or at least as fast as their 3 and 2 year old legs would carry them.

Carmen reached her first, a beautiful three year old girl who honestly was the spitting image of her mother.

Picking her up Sam spun her around, "She looks more and more like you everyday Brooke," Sam spoke over her shoulder, "Carmenator… high five," holding her hand beside her head Carmen placed her small hand right in the middle and grinned.

Bending down, she placed Carmen's feet on the floor but remained there so she was face to face with the blonde girl. "Piggy-back later?" she whispered and was rewarded with a huge almost bobble-head like nod as Sam then turned her attention to the smaller boy beside her.

"Hey birthday man!"

Spencer held out his arms and Sam took the queue to pull him into her arms. "You having a good time?"

Spencer, unlike Carmen looked much like his father, apart fromt eh vibrant blonde hair. "Where's your daddy?"

The boy shrugged but behind her she heard Brooke say, "Harrison got called into the office… again. Said he'd be an hour… he's been three."

Sam turned to her step-sister and raised an eyebrow. "You okay?" Brooke responded with a 'we'll talk later' gesture and motioned for Sam to move further into the house.

In the kitchen Sam felt like she had walked in a circus. There were parents everywhere watching small children run around the small under-cover entertaining area outside the back patio door and more running around the small grassed area beyond that. In the kitchen itself her family seemed to have congregated. Mike was in the back behind the counter cutting something Sam couldn't see into small child-sized pieces. At the dinning table sat her little sister, flanked by their mother, Jane who was fussing over something on Mac's dress.

"Hey kiddo," Sam said walking up behind her sister and rustling her hair.

"Sammy!" Mac jumped up at her voice, standing on the dinning room chair facing it's back, hands clutching the wood firmly as she turned to Sam. "Mom took my… my scooter again."

Sam laughed, turning to her mother who shrugged and smiled. "Well kiddo… if you stopped taking it on the road mom might let you keep it longer than one afternoon a week.

Mac deflated.

"But…" Sam continued, "If you're good, how about instead of riding it on the road at home, I take you out to the park and we'll ride on the ramps after the big kids have gone home?" Sam was rewarded with a jumping clap and squeal combo before Mac got off the chair and bounded outside.

"Hi Ma," Sam said, bending slightly and kissing the cheek her mother presented to her.

"Daughter," Jane replied, "You look upset about something? Cindy?" Nodding, Sam moved around to the kitchen where she gave Mike the same kiss she had given her mother, "Need some help?"

The graying blonde man shook his head but smiled.

The day continued as Sam had expected, Children rushed around and Sam spent the afternoon moving between her niece, nephew and sister playing various games. And of course, observing Brooke from afar.

Sam sighed deeply as she thought of her, once again seeking her out with her eyes.

Brook looked as beautiful as ever as she moved around the back yard putting paper plates into a garbage bag she was carrying in her hand. She was the spitting image of the 16 year old Brooke that Sam had all those years ago fallen in love with, her smile still enough to reduce Sam into a puddle.

Her body was as toned as ever, her body bounced back after both pregnancies like and she looked fit and powerful, and Sam would know, she had been admiring that body since she was 16 herself.

For Sam, it didn't really start until the accident. Or at least she didn't realize until it was almost too late.

The accident.

Sam would never forget that night, the sounds, the screaming, her hot tears running down her face as she on the cold asphalt confessed things that she had only just realized.

It was at the precise moment that Brooke's body connected with Nicole's car that she realized that the attraction she had always been aware of was soo much more than that, more that just a physical appreciation of her step-sisters body. She loved her, madly, deeply and she told her. It echoed in her mind, the sound of her tear strangled voice as she leant down and kissed her, whispering the three words that changed her life.

Brooke turned and found Sam watching her and smiled, a smile that made Sam weak. A smile that made her fall even further.

Her life changed drastically after that night. Brooke was in a comma for two months, two months that Sam sat by her side, her hope faltering just a little everyday that Brooke's eyes remained closed. She spent every day vowing that if she got the chance she would tell Brooke everything and she did.

After Brooke woke one morning when Sam was reading her one of the newer Harry Potter books, Sam told her how much she had missed her, how much she meant to her how glad she was to have her back. She came so close so many times to telling her just how much she loved her, adored her, worshiped her, but she never got the chance.

That's when Carmen happened. Sam's friend, her best friend of so many years became just one in thousands that were victims of the terror that was the 9/11 disaster. While Sam withdrew into herself, Harrison went to Brooke for comfort, a comfort which Brooke provided in spades.

After Brooke found out she was pregnant, Sam knew the rest was history.

Only five years had passed since that night, and so much had changed, and still, Sam always loved Brooke.

It was late into the evening when the last of the party goers left the John residence. Harrison was till a no-show and Sam cursed her friend. She had been so jealous of him over the years he had been with Brooke they had drifted so far apart she could hardly call him a friend anymore. There were in fact times, like that night that Sam hated Harrison, hated him for what he took from her.

"Mom seemed happy today. She's been a little down lately," Brooke commented as she moved another dish from the sink into the drying rack.

Sam shrugged, "I haven't seen her much. Too busy driving between LA and SF every other weekend."

Brooke rolled her eyes once again.

"I know, I know," she said in reply, "I just feel obligated to stay with her."

"I don't know why. She treats you like crap. You're happier when she's not around and miserable when she is… No brainer Sam."

Shaking her head Sam continued drying the dishes, "If I leave her, I have nothing."

Brooke was silent then, seemingly deep in thought. The kids were in bed and Sam reveled in the silence after a long, loud day. Taking a deep breath, she walked to the cupboard and deposited the six or so plates she had just finished drying on the top shelf. Taking her time and folding the dish towel more evenly over her hand as she did so.

When she turned, she sucked in a deep breath and slammed into the lower counter, her hands jumping to grab toe edges of the countertop to stifle her fall.

Brooke stood right in front of her. Hand still wet, eyes dark and frown firmly in place. In a single second before Sam knew what was happening, Brooke leant forward and captured Sam's lips with her own, the familiar feel causing Sam to then sink into the counter behind her with ease.

It lasted a while, not passionate but certainly heading that way when Brooke pulled back, her wet hands raising to Sam's face, holding it steady as she looked directly into lust darkened eyes.

"No Sam. You'll always have me."


	2. Before and After

**Wild Horses**

Chapter Two: Before and After

_Zoe Rachael_

Summary: It's been five years and things have changed, kids, marriage, but one things ha always stayed the same, their feelings for each other. Brooke/Sam.

A/N: Thank you all for the reviews. Because of the positive response I decided to continue. Hoping you guys like what I have done with the characters, and I apologize for Carmen's death, but it just worked for my story-line. Anyway, here's the next chapter, and this is how most chapters will be set-out. I'll try to update as much as possible, but I go back to school on Tuesday. Lol. Read and Review. Thanks guys.

* * *

Her whole life, Sam had had that one person in her life that she could tell anything. As a child it had been her mother, she would tell her about what had happened at the playground and what her friends parents had said about horse racing. As she got older, it was Harrison who she would whisper girlie secrets too after spending time with her girl friends on the playground. She would whisper about her crushes and her love for reading, and Harrison would listen. In high school it had been Carmen, and Sam told her everything from her issues at home, to her issues with Brooke and even more one the two merged into one. After Carmen's death it was Lily who she poured her heart out to, her fears about life, her depression at losing Carmen, something they shared, and most importantly, Sam's undying feelings for her step-sister. As time moved on, so did Lily, moving herself, her husband and their newborn baby across the country for a new life in New Jersey.

Then came Christen. They had met at UCLA one afternoon walking out of a PSYC 101 lecture, both of them taking the course as a first year elective. Sam had tripped over a mat just outside the lecture hall and laughing hysterically, Christen had been the one to help her up. It took them only days to form a friendship and just weeks to bond into a single unit, one rarely being seen without the other on campus. Christen was the Yin to Sam's Yang and they each helped the other through every problem or crisis, however small or seemingly insignificant.

"What happened now?" Christen asked as Sam pulled out a chair at the table Christen was sitting at outside a small café called Vanilla where Sam and Christen frequented.

Sam rolled her eyes flopping into a seat, "It happened again."

Christen's red hair fell across her eyes as she looked down at the table, her hand coming to rest on her chest as a rich laugh escaped her throat. "Again?" As Sam nodded, Christen laughed harder, her head falling closer to the table as she took deep breaths to try and contain herself. "Did you at least talk about it this time?" Her words were spoken through a chuckle.

Shaking her head Sam sighed, pulling her bag off her shoulder. "No. We were just cleaning up after Spencer's party, talking about Cindy again, she was trying to convince me to leave her, again and she kissed me. Next thing I know I'm trapped between her and the counter, and her hands are down my pants."

Another hearty laugh escaped Christen, but she caught herself quickly. "Serious?"

Another nod.

"Ha! Was it good?"

This time Sam smiled, or more grinned and Christen laughed again. "You have no idea. She's incredible."

"I love Brooke but hell! Surely she's though bout this, I mean she is married, and you are her sister, well step-sister but related all the same. I know you want her too, but don't you want her on equal terms, not just on hers?"

Sam's head fell forward onto the table and she let out a halfhearted groan. "I just… I wish I knew what she wanted. She's got to know how much I feel for her and she just… I feel like she's using me to punish me or something." As an after thought, she added, "Not that he doesn't deserve it."

"No." Christen spoke instantly, "I know she loves you honey. I know she does. If you want to be with her and I know you do, maybe you need to give her space and time."

"How much time?" Sam asked, frustrated, "It's been three months. She's been fucking me, LOVING me for THREE months without a word to what she wants from me in return. I love her so much, but I'm not going to leave Cindy who has done nothing wrong to be her mistress or her rebound or her sexual release."

Christen reached across the table and took Sam's hand in her won, giving it a squeeze. "You know, Sam that if Carmen were still here, if you hadn't pushed her away after the attack, if she hadn't fallen pregnant while giving Harrison sympathy sex, you know she would be with you." Chrissy smiled, "She loves you, she's always loved you Sammy."

* * *

_June 2001_

"Sam, I'm so sorry."

Sam put her head down, but it only lasted a second as Brooke launched herself from the table. Sam was hot on her heel, racing after her, her eyes tearing up as she knew Brookes were.

Sam reached out and managed to capture Brooke's hand for a brief moment before the blonde pulled it away and continued to stumble forward. "This is not what I wanted," Brooke said in an absent, almost far away whisper.

"This is not what I wanted, Brooke. Okay, just stop!"

But Brooke didn't stop, she kept moving and Sam continued to follow. Brooke's head was down, she was watching only her feet while Sam was watching only her.

She watched it all unravel as though it was in slow motion. She heard the car screech around the corner and pick up speed. She saw Brooke step out onto the road at the same moment that she saw that it was Nicole behind the wheel, and that she wasn't slowing down. She heard herself scream at Brooke and as a result, Brooke looking up and screaming herself as the headlights neared her. Sam felt her lungs convulse as she let out another earth shattering, heart breaking cry as Sam's body compacted with the speeding vehicle.

Everything after that Sam experienced as though she were blind. She could hear everything around her, the voices, the screaming, even the air had a unique sound that night.

She felt her legs moving before she felt her knees scrape on the tarmac. Felt a familiar hand on her shoulder briefly before she shrugged it off, moving forwards to Brooke. She knew it was Harrison behind her, she could hear his breathing, feel his body shaking as cries came to his lips. But all she cared about was Brooke.

She molded herself into Brooke's body to check to see if she was breathing s she felt Brooke's hand raise and land in her hair.

"Sam…" her voice was ragged, scratchy. "Sam I'm sorry."

The brunette instantly broke into tears. "Brooke, please. You're okay, I'm right here, please just be Brooke. Be okay."

"I'm sorry, " the blonde repeated.

Sam could hear the sirens approaching. She saw sure someone would have called 911. "No. Nothing to be-"

Brooke cut her off, "I'm sorry but… I have-"

"Brooke…"

"Please Sam. I… shut up." Sam almost laughed. "I don't love Harrison," her voice was almost clear but Sam could tell she was fading.

As much as she wanted to reply, Sam stayed silent. She wanted to tell Brooke that she didn't love Harrison either, that the three-way prom things was just a way to get close to her, going to prom with her.

"It's you Sam... I want you… to … know. It's all you. It's… always been… you."

Brooke hardly got the words out before a paramedic or so she assumed, roughly pushed her away from Brooke. She could hear the blonde softly calling for her before she felt different hands pulling her away further.

* * *

_January 2006_

The drive from Los Angeles to San Francisco was something that Sam was unfortunately familiar with. Traffic was not as heavy as she was used to however, then again, Sam was not used to travelling on a Monday.

After her morning with Christen, Sam moved off campus and across ton to the small local newspaper she had been writing for since her second year at UCLA. It was a small publication with a medium circulation, but Sam loved what she was writing. Never had she thought of herself as an activist, in high school she had been happy to stand by and watch Lily wave her flags on various campaigns high. After high school however, Sam found herself writing pieces on Human Rights and Politics and she loved every second of it.

She was barely in the front doors when her cell phone chirped and before she knew it, The Killer's 'Mr. Brightside' was blaring at top volume from her bag.

She knew it was Brooke, the tone having been personalized just for her when at Christmas, Christen had changed it to give Sam a laugh.

"Hey," she said in her usual cheery voice.

"Hi," came Brooke's soft reply, "What are you up to?"

Sam smiled. All their phone conversations started the same, mainly small talk, something so adorable Sam couldn't help but smile.

"Just heading into the paper to hand in my assignment."

"Oh…"

"You okay?" Sam asked. Brooke's voice sounded off.

"I ah… I wanted to talk."

Sam's eyes almost popped out of her head as she stopped in her tracks and sucking in a deep breath. "Talk?" she asked skeptically.

"Yeah. About last night and… before." Brooke was feeling awkward, Sam could tell.

"I-" just as she started to reply, her phone beeped again, and she moved it away from her ear to see Cindy's picture staring at her.

Cindy.

"Brooke, Cindy is calling. Can I call you back?"

It took Brooke a moment to answer. Sam could feel butterflies growing in her won stomach at the prospect of talking things out with Brooke. Their developing relationship had reached it's peek the night before when Brooke, after coming down from an all-time high, leant heavily into Sam and whispered, 'I love you' into Sam's sweat covered chest. The prospect of actually knowing what Brooke had meant by that was exhilarating.

"Of course," she answered finally, and Sam smiled again.

"Talk soon," she said, grinning and hanging up from their conversation to answer Cindy's call.

Her talk with Cindy was much less pleasing. Her girlfriend, ever the drama major, begged for her presence in SF immediately, telling her that she desperately needed to talk to her. Cindy had sounded distraught and out of respect for their two years together, Sam agreed. At the very least, Sam owed it to Cindy to end what they had face-to-face.

Cindy was a fantastic woman, but no matter how hard she tried or how much she preyed, Cindy just wasn't Brooke.

So after a brief apologetic conversation with Brooke, Sam packed a small over-night bag and headed out onto the I-5.

* * *

Please Read and Review and I'll get an update done asap. xoxo


	3. The Opposite of Silence

**Wild Horses**

Chapter Three: The Opposite of Silence

_Zoe Rachael_

A/N: I'd like to apologize in advance for the ending, I have this need for drama that can't be denied and when I was writing this I noticed a real lack of it, so I had to end on a dramatic note. I hope you all don't hate me too much. Please read and review, I like to hear what you are all thinking. Thank you for the reviews so far and with some encouragement I'll update soon. Oh and you may recognize a new couple, making a cameo appearance here, but maybe more later. So yes… it is THAT Cindy. xx

* * *

The shock wasn't what gripped her, it wasn't that Sam was even shocked; in fact, in some ways she guessed that she had been expecting it. No, it was the pain that followed Cindy's words that had surprised her.

"What's her name?" Sam asked, her voice low and aching. The hurt rushing through her was something she couldn't understand. She had known it was coming, had even planned on doing it herself, but when she heard those words leave Cindy's lips, she felt crushed.

"Lindsay," Cindy whispered, "She's an inspector with the SFPD. She's with homicide and my source into the department."

Sam leant back into the couch, "How long?"

Cindy winced, "We've been fooling around for around four months." She explained, "Sam…" when Sam just smiled sadly at her, Cindy continued, "We were both involved and I was trying to make us work. Yesterday I worked out that we weren't going to work, and she left the other person."

The brunette nodded in response, "I…" she didn't know what to say, part of her wanted to tell Cindy about Brooke, weather out of revenge or honesty she didn't know, but she went with the feeling anyway. "In the spirit of full disclosure, I need to tell you something." She moved to continue but was spared when Cindy raised a hand.

"You don't have to say it Sam. I know about Brooke."

The relief swept through her body and suddenly, the pain was gone. Somehow, Sam actually managed to laugh. "What?"

Cindy smiled in response, "I know about Brooke, Sam. I saw the way you look at each other, I knew it was only a matter of time."

Another small laugh escaped her throat, "That obvious, huh?" she asked her now former lover, "Think Harrison knows?"

They relaxed into an informal friendly conversation, laughing and joking together like they had done before their relationship had started.

"I am sorry, Sam," Cindy said seriously after she had recovered from a laughing fit caused by Sam doing an impression of Christen falling over her date at the New Years party they had attended, ending up mounting the poor girl and attacking her neck with kisses, seemingly forgetting both about her fall and that they were in a room full of drunken college seniors.

Sam, from her position on the floor looked up at Cindy and smiled, "No, I'm sorry Cin. I should have been more in this from the beginning. I'm so sorry.

Cindy returned her smile, "It's okay. I knew from the day you told me about Brooke's accident that you were in love with her. I stayed because I loved you, not because I thought you were giving me something that you weren't."

The brunette crawled across Cindy's apartment floor and pulled the redhead into a tight meaningful hug. Sam knew that despite everything, she cared for Cindy and didn't want to lose her as part of her life. Pulling back, she grinned, "So when do I get to meet her?"

* * *

_August 2001_

It had been a hard few months for Sam, hard for so many different reasons, but mostly because of her pessimistic nature.

Her family thought otherwise, she knew they did from the comments they made to those around her, comments like, 'Sammy will be here when she wakes up,' and 'Sammy's by her side so that when she wakes up she knows that everything is alright.' But everything wasn't going to be alright, because in her mind, Brooke wasn't going to wake up.

She believed so deeply inside of her that Brooke was gone, believed it so much that at times she couldn't think, couldn't breathe. She believed so hard that it killed her to think that the last conversation she would ever have with her soon-to-be stepsister was the one that could have changed their lives forever.

Sam didn't have the courage to be optimistic, didn't have the heart to believe that just maybe, Brooke would be okay, because if she did, even for that moment, every second without Brooke was just that much harder. It was like that debate they always had in English about weather being optimistic or pessimistic was better for ones emotional health. Sam had always been on the side of the downers. Brooke, of course, had always been the one with hope.

If someone had asked her why then she sat at Brooke's bedside day in and day out, she didn't know if she could explain herself, explain why she felt the need to be near Brooke, even though she thought the blonde was gone. She guessed, in a way, the answer would be the same as the one she gave her mother after she had found her spending time beside her father's tombstone. 'Because mom, I knew his mind and his body,' her small 12 year old self had explained, 'but now, I only know where to find his body.'

Sam still craved that time with Brooke that she had craved when Brooke's eyes were open and alert, now she had to settle for time spent differently than she was used to. But at the very least she was still in Brooke's company.

Unfortunately, she rarely got time alone with Brooke. Her mother and Mike were there everyday too. Mike drove her there in the mornings and spent time with his daughter before heading into the office. Every other day, Carmen and Lily arrived at the hospital to both check on Brooke's condition but to also check in on Sam. Mary Cherry had made a few appearances, her usual exuberant Southern side fading into the background to reveal the grieving friend. Even Nicole to Sam's surprise, had made an appearance or two in the time Brooke had been in a comma. The blonde responsible for Brooke's state begged Sam and her parents for their forgiveness, something that Sam herself, was not even close to ready to give the short girl.

Most annoyingly for Sam, were Harrison's visits, at least three times a week. He held her hand, occasionally shedding a tear or a sob, burying his head in the sheets below the blonde. Sam, for her part watched on in silence and anger, wishing her friend would take his hands off Brooke.

She did feel remotely sorry for him, for his complete cluelessness regarding the situation. He had no clue as to what had happened that night, no idea why the girl he picked had run from his presence, or why the girl he hadn't had followed her. He was completely in the dark to the fact that both said girls were in fact in love with each other.

In the afternoons, Jane would drop in and see Brooke, crying almost every time and begging the girl to come out of her comma state, before standing and escorting Sam to the car with an arm around her.

She was forced to leave at night, forced back to the palace where memories and smell overwhelmed her to the point where she cried herself to sleep every night, the only time she would let the salty fluids escape her, in the privacy of Brooke's room, the blonde's pillow pulled to her chest and the smell of her surrounding her.

There had been an incident at the end of July when the maid Mike had hired to pick up the slack at the palace had walked down the stairs carrying Brooke's sheets. It had taken a long argument to convince the obviously confused woman to walk back up the stairs and replace the sheets on the bed.

"Sam, why don't you give the hospital a miss today. Lily and Carmen came to see me today, they're worried about you and so am I. You should get out at least for one day," Jane spoke from the opposite side of the floating island, looking down at something as Sam sat at the breakfast bar, slouching as usual.

Sam just looked up at her mother, shaking her head.

"Brooke wouldn't fault you for taking one day to yourself honey."

The words hit home. Because of her, Brooke would never have the chance to feel anything ever again. "I said no, mom."

Jane for her part, had the sense to leave it be, "Hungry?"

After picking at her meal, Sam retired to Brooke's room where, for a few hours, she paused the blonde's room. Some of Brooke's personal items had been removed to her hospital room at Sam's request. Still remaining however, was Sam's somewhat guilty pleasure.

Sitting in the middle of the blonde's desk, moved from its previous hiding place of under Brooke's bed, was her diary.

Taking her usual seat at Brooke's desk, Sam opened the floral covered book to where she had left off the previous night.

Brooke's writing was neat and small and Sam took a deep breathe before reading.

_Dear Sam,_

_I wish you had been by my side today. Nicole pulled one of her usual stunts demeaning you and I would have done anything to have the courage to pull you into my arms and tell you how sorry I am._

_You looked at me with such hatred, and in that moment, I hated myself._

_Sometimes I dream of being able to stand up to her, tell her how much I love you. In my mind I see myself turn from her and run to you. And you smile and catch me and I tell you how much you mean to me and I kiss you._

_I wish I had the courage, Sam. I wish I could be with you._

_Love Brooke._

Sam smiled and looked ay the small space remaining at the bottom of the A5 page. Nodding to herself, she picked up a pen and put it to paper.

_Dear Brooke,_

_Day 52_

_I wish you were here, here for me to make both our dreams come true, to take you in my arms and tell you how much I love you and glow with joy when you say it back to me._

_I wish I had the courage to tell mum and dad just how much I care about you, just how much you mean to me. I wish I could tell them so they knew why I sit beside you day after day, so that they know that I'll always be yours even if you never open your eyes again._

_I wish a lot now Brooke, but somehow I know they wont come true._

_What I do know is how I feel about you. I love you Brookie and will be waiting if you want to come back to me._

_Love Sam._

Just as she laid the pen down beside her most recent entry, Sam heard a commotion outside Brooke's door.

She turned just in time to see Jane and Mike push through the door.

"What?" she asked, somewhat angrily.

"It's Brooke," Mike said cheerfully, "She's awake."

* * *

_January 2006_

Sam drove back to Los Angeles the following morning with a grin on her face. The night before she had met Cindy's Lindsay only to discover that the woman was someone she could see herself liking. She had a sense of humor buried behind her 'cop' persona and she hit it well, so well in fact that at the first joke the woman had cracked, Sam almost fell off Cindy's kitchen stool.

The tall brunette was beautiful and had just enough sass to keep up with Cindy, and that made Sam happy. The redhead deserved someone who would adore her, worship the ground she walked on, and Sam could see that Lindsay loved her with all that she had inside her. She left San Francisco feeling happy and refreshed that she was rid of one burden and about to deal with another.

The prospect of talking to Brooke was still exhilarating. She had called Brooke on her arrival in SF and again as she had left that morning. Brooke had told her, once Sam had spilled the beans on her trip to see Cindy, that Harrison was out of town and to be at her house with her and the kids for dinner that night. Sam had grinned wider at the prospect.

Driving back down the I-5, Sam's smile broke barriers and she closed her eyes briefly. As she did, she took her hands momentarily off the steering wheel and did a little dance, letting out a small squeal.

To her left, Sam didn't even see the red BMW merge into her. All she felt was the first impact into her side, followed soon by another at her rear and then she was tumbling and she could do nothing but scream.


	4. Before the Storm

**Wild Horses**

Chapter Four: Before the Storm

_Zoe Rachael_

A/N: Okay so this one is kind of a way to get what Brooke is thinking out there before going into all the after tragedy mode. Lol. I hope you like it though, it took me a few rewrites to get it where it is and I'm still not hugely impressed or pleased with it. So let me know what you think. Xx Oh, and once again, unedited... should really get a beta. LOL

* * *

That morning for Brooke John was the same as any other. She woke to her alarm at 7:30 and after waking herself up mentally ready for the day, she rolled out of bed, dawned a robe and made her way down the stairs. Walking into the living room, she rounded the couch and leant down to wake her husband who had been sleeping there for close to five months, at Brooke's request, before moving away, not waiting for him to wake up fully.

As Harrison woke himself up, Brooke moved into the kitchen where she pulled ingredients out of the cupboard, preparing to cook breakfast for herself, Carmen and Spencer. As was the norm, Carmen emerged from the hall first, still rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

"Morning mommy," Carmen said, her voice too still bleary from sleep.

"Good morning sweetheart," Brooke said, smiling at her eldest child, "Toast of muffin?" Brooke already knew the answer, but she still gave the girl a choice like she did every morning.

"Toast please mommy."

As Carmen pulled herself up onto one of the stools at the breakfast bar, Spencer much cheerier than Carmen, ran into the room and straight up to his mom, almost crashing into her leg to hug her. "Good morn mama!" He said in his unique toddler tone.

Grinning, she bent and hugged him back, "Good morning baby. Muffin?"

Spencer grinned and nodded in response, rushing around the island to pull himself up on the stool next to his sister.

After the children had finished breakfast, they both rushed off to get dressed for the day. "Spencer!" Brooke yelled as he rushed across the kitchen towards the hallway. He stopped in his tracks and turned to her, "Is your bag packed?" Despite knowing it was, Brooke stared her son down waiting for a response.

"Yessss mama."

Brooke smiled at him and tilted her head towards the hall. He gave her a bright smile before taking off down the hall, skidding into his bedroom. Laughing slightly to herself, Brooke turned to clean up from breakfast just as Harrison entered the kitchen.

As usual, Brooke had his coffee waiting for him, if for nothing else, so that he didn't have to talk to her to ask for it. Deep down she knew they should talk things out either way, but somehow, she liked things in limbo, so she could keep herself and her children happy and stable. He was showered and dressed and dropped an overnight bag on the floor before entering the kitchen and wrapping his arms around Brooke's waist from behind. He kissed her ear softly, "Any chance of me moving back into our room when I get home?"

Brooke grimaced as he kissed her, but she remained in his embrace. She did love him, somewhere inside her remained feelings for the man she had married, but she had trouble locating them, and what was worse, she didn't want to. Mostly, she resented him, resented him for taking what she had missed out on by being with him.

Sam.

The brunette had been the one for her for as long as Brooke could remember breathing. Sam had held her heart since they were 10 years old and she had stolen a kiss from her behind the cafeteria. Brooke had fallen for her in that moment that their lips touched. From then on, she guessed that Sam was embarrassed, because she avoided her, and once high school rolled around, the two had drifted apart to the point where they had become enemies.

For her part, Brooke had taken her frustration about losing her out on the brunette herself for being so scared to pursue her, and to hide her own hurt, made it her mission in life to make Sam's life a living hell. Their rivalry had peaked in their sophomore year when Jane and Mike told them they were going to be sisters. As times passed however, things settled between them, and they formed a friendship, and from that, old feelings rose to the surface.

Her confession immediately after the accident had pulled everything into the spotlight for the both of them and after she woke, they'd came so close until she had messed everything up, until Harrison…

She did feel guilty for what she was doing with Sam now, guilt over betraying Harrison, over Sam betraying Cindy, guilt for what she was putting Sam herself through, but she just couldn't bring herself to stop. It was more than guilt however that stopped her from leaving Harrison and spending her life with Sam, there were so many issues, so many obstacles, but it was her guilt that made her turn to her husband and reply with a simple, "We'll see," to his question.

He left not long after, swooping both of his children up into his arms and kissing them goodbye before smiling at Brooke and heading for the door.

Just as it shut behind him, Brooke's phone rang, and she smiled at the ring tone, which Sam had set for herself. _Lady Marmalade_ from Moulin Rouge sang through the kitchen, and Brooke rushed to pick up the phone. "Hello?"

Brooke's voice was excited, and Sam's in reply was just as joyous, "Hey gorgeous. What you doin?"

A grin broke forth, but Brooke ignored Sam's jab at her phone manner and moved onto the point at hand, "How'd it go?" she asked, already knowing that Sam was okay because of her tone.

She could almost hear the grin in Sam's voice when she answered her, "It's over. She's been seeing someone else. Her name is Lindsay and I met her last night, she's really great, and Cindy seems happy, so I'm happy for them."

Some of Brooke's guilt disappeared at Sam's words, "Oh, how long?"

Sam knew right away what she was asking, and answered with a simple, "Longer."

"So you on your way home? I hope you're not talking while driving."

Sam giggled in way Brooke hadn't heard from her in a long time, and it cause her smile to grow. "No, I'm just about to leave. What are you up to?"

"About to go shower and get ready. Mom is watching the kids for me today, I've got a shoot at 12, should be finished by 3. Want to come for dinner?"

Even over the phone, they could read each other like a book. Brooke knew once she told her that Harrison was away that she would be on their doorstep as soon as she could to spend time with her and the kids. Brooke knew Sam wanted to be there with her, knew that Sam loved spending time with the family that both she and Brooke believed should have been hers and not Harrison's. But she knew too that Sam felt guilty about betraying her high school friend, despite how her had betrayed them both.

* * *

_September 2001_

Things between them had progressed over the first days Brooke had been back at the Palace. Sam had let Brooke take the lead, for which Brooke was grateful, but it didn't take long before to take control and tell Sam what was going on in her head, if for no other reason than to release some of the tension in her body and in their relationship.

"I'm in love with you," Brooke had said one night when the two of them were sitting on the couch watching Mac in the basinet in front of them.

Sam had no reaction apart from turning to Brooke to acknowledge that she had heard her speak. Her eyes were open and expressive, inviting, at it was that only that caused Brooke to continue speaking, knowing Sam was listening to her.

"I found my journal, "Brooke said, averting her eyes in embarrassment for a moment. When she had first found it and saw that Sam had read it, she felt violated. It only lasted a second however as she read what Sam had wrote and she realized just how much Sam had craved her presence when she was in the comma. Her anger dissipated after that. "I saw what you wrote, and I'm sorry that you went through all that alone, Sammy. I'm sorry I wasn't here and I'm sorry I didn't have the courage to tell you before; we could have avoided this whole thing. I played with you and Harrison and I'm so sorry. Sorry that I went along with the charade for so long. I-"

Sam had cut her off at that point, putting a finger over her lips, "I love you too," she said before she stood and walked away.

Brooke dropped her head, despite everything, she was glad it was all out and when it came down to it, she was prepared to wait as long as it took for Sam.

Before she knew it, it was dark, and Brooke sighed as she rolled over. Since coming home from the hospital, she had trouble sleeping, her dreams filled with nothing but Sam's screaming voice and bright headlights. She woke screaming more often than not, comforted only by Sam's presence beside her, keeping her grounded.

"You okay, baby?" Sam asked, obviously jostled awake by Brooke's movement.

Brooke just nodded her head, but still buried it in the crook of Sam's neck when the brunette sat up and offered her open arms. "Just can't sleep." Sam didn't speak, but instead just ran her fingers through Brooke's hair, waiting for her to open up. "I just wish I could stop reliving it, you know."

Sam nodded. Brooke knew that Sam too had been reliving that night in her dreams, from a completely different perspective, because instead of waking screaming, she would wake up crying, reaching out for Brooke. For the most part, Sam had been hiding her own pain to make way for Brooke's, but Brooke just wished the girl would open up to her. "Me too," Sam replied, still running her hand through Brooke's golden locks. "I can still hear you calling me as they pulled me away."

Brooke wrapped her arms around the girl as she spoke, her words sending chills through her at the thought, "I'm sorry Sam. Sorry I haven't been here for you."

Sam actually laughed, however coldly, "Brooke, honey, you've been here," she reached up and touched Brooke's cheek softly, looking in her shining eyes, illuminated only by the moon outside Brooke's bedroom window. With her other hand, she reached down and took Brooke's hand in her own, lifting it to rest over her chest. "You've been here," she said sincerely.

They fell asleep in each other's arms that night, rising early the following morning for their first day back at school.

As expected, Brooke was bombarded with questions as they entered the halls that morning, questions about the accident, about her health, about Nicole… Luckily for her, Sam was there to rebuff any advances and Brooke made it till lunch before she panicked when approached.

For the first time that day, Sam was across the hall talking with Carmen and Lily who were asking, subtly about how both of them were. Brooke was grateful to Sam for taking them out of her earshot, but as she saw Harrison approaching her, she wished the girl were still by her side.

"Brooke," he said as he approached. His voice, however, must have gotten Sam's attention, because she was there in a heartbeat, one arm pushing Brooke behind her while at the same time closing her hand around Brooke's arm in a comforting gesture.

"Get out of the way Sam. I need to see her," the boy said angrily, obviously upset that neither girl had spoken to him since her recovery.

Sam's silence was expected, both from Brooke and Harrison's perspectives, even if they were very differently informed. But for Harrison, he didn't seem to understand why his pick, the girl he had chosen out of the two who were apparently fighting for his affections, flatly refused to see or even speak to him.

Sam shook her head, "No. She doesn't want to see you."

Harrison rolled his eyes, "Bull shit. She wants to be with me, we're going to be together. I chose her remember. Stop with the jealousy."

Brooke watched as Sam geared herself up for a fight. For Brooke, this was a disaster waiting to happen, which was why she was so frightened of him in the first place. She'd told Sam when he had come to visit her at the hospital that she didn't want to see him and later revealed why.

"_He went into that night thinking that he had two beautiful girls after him, thinking that no matter what, leaving, he would have one of us on his arm and now… now it's different."_ Brooke had said to Sam, still at the time too scared to mention their final words to each other that night, _"Harrison is a great guy, but I don't want to be with him, and it scares me how angry he might get when he finds out why, or that I messed with him because of my own messed up shit."_

Deciding she would like to avert the impending butting heads of Sam and Harrison, Brooke, while moving to hold Sam's hand for support, spoke up, "Harrison," All attention in the hall turned to her at that moment, "I'm sorry, but I don't want to be with you. I was wrong to lead you on like that, to run from my emotions, but I love someone else, I'm sorry."

Harrison puffed himself up in anger, but at a step forward from Sam, smartly turned and walked away.

Taking a deep calming breath, Brooke lent on Sam as she turned to her, "You okay?" she asked, concern in her tone.

Nodding, Brooke replied, "I'm okay," leaning into her further for comfort.

* * *

_January 2006_

After her conversation with Sam, Brooke's day continued as planned. She showered and dressed, arriving at her parent's house just after 10:30. Sadly for Carmen, Mac had started school early in September and was forced, not that she was terribly worried, to spend every Tuesday in the company of her Gramma, Carmen's cute variation of Grandma that Jane had adopted as her title.

"How're things at home?" Jane asked her step-daughter as she placed a steaming coffee in front of her.

Brooke shrugged as an answer. Her mother knew of her problems with Harrison, but Brooke liked to keep things quiet, not only because she was embarrassed by her husband, but also because of the specifics, Sam especially. There was a time that Jane had come to her, during her pregnancy, and asked her what was going on between her and Sam, and to the day Brooke suspected that her step-mother was fully aware of the feelings the two shared, but she was glad she never asked her about it again after that day.

The two continued to carry on a conversation over coffee. Brooke enjoyed talking to her mother, enjoyed that feeling of being loved no matter what, which was something she received from Jane. When the time came for her to leave for work, Brooke hugged Jane goodbye, kissed Carmen and Spencer and made her way out the door.

Since graduation, she had been working for an independent photography company called _Moore Daily_, first as an intern and later, as a full-time fashion photographer, second only to the company's founder, Matthew Moore.

Walking into the studio, Brooke accepted her camera bag from the intern, Kelly, before walking past the elaborate sets and over to her boss who was standing at a table in the back corner of the studio, fussing over a large pile of negatives. Next to him, stood his assistant Tracy looking flustered as usual. Brooke flashed the woman a reassuring smile before speaking.

"What's the problem, Daily?" Brooke asked the young boss, referring to him by his nick-name. Daily was a tall blonde man who's demeanor was so clearly gay that Brooke was sure his exuberance could be seen from the moon. He was in his early thirties, and was in Brooke's opinion, one of the greatest photographers she'd ever encountered.

"Gah!" he replied, throwing his hands in the air in his usual lively way before placing them on his hips as he looked up at her. "Danielle had fucked up the negatives again! None of this," he pointed at the mess on the table, "is usable."

Brooke walked over to him and managed to calm him, sending him outside for a much needed cigarette while she dealt with the mess of negatives, sending Tracy off with three or four usable shots to be developed.

The rest of the shoot continued in a similar fashion, Brooke taking charge just a few minutes in while Daily moved across to his office to relax. It was something Brooke was used to, and in all honesty, she loved Daily so much, she was quite happy to pick up the slack for him. He'd always been good to her, credited her when credit was due and told her specifically that she was his first pick to run the LA division of the company when he opened a new one in New York.

Brooke was kneeling before one of the shorter red-haired model, which reminded her of Cindy, causing her to smile as she thought of Sam, when she heard her phone ring in her pocket. Handing the camera off to Kelly and instructing her to direct the models into the next outfit, Brooke excused herself.

"Hello?" she answered, without checking the called I.D.

"Brooke!" it was Jane, and just from the one word, Brooke could tell that something was wrong. Her stomach dropped and she felt dread wash over her.

"Mom, what's wrong?" she dreaded the answer, and when she heard it, she knew why…

"It's Sam…"

* * *

A/N: Sorry about the ending guys… but hopefully next chapter will make up for it all.


End file.
